1.Afternoon Soaps
Sit by me silently and brush my beard.
No mess to mop up from the bed today.
Will we sit next door and watch the soaps？
We've nothing to do and we've nothing to say.
Oh, when you go...
Recently, we've been somewhat volatile, and last night it starts
with that joan osbourne song.
I hate it anyway, but you made it worse.
I know why you laughed and you should know you were wrong.
Oh, when you go...
Bird number one taught me i shouldn't trust, that's why i find
unfounded doubts abound.
But number two proved that with none, we've nothing.
And now i'm only happy when you're not around.
Oh, when you go...
2.Afterwards
The bed's a mess when we're finished and at rest, and i can just
see the post-fuck flush across your chest.
The telly's silent, the room's lit only by the screen, and now
we're perfect moulds with just our pulses in between.
Well i'm not listening to what my mother said - what we're doing
inside my bed.
And i'm not pretending this time you're someone else, but i'm
cleaning these sheets all by myself.
Afterwards is best. you get up to get dressed - i think your
pants are by the door. i think tomorrow we might be sore.
Even in this light, your tits look white against the tanning,
and i know we're a couple now 'cause we went down the family
planning.
It hit me in the waiting room waiting for you when you were
getting what you need.
But i can't help be a bit disappointed when you start to bleed.
Afterwards is best. you get up to get dressed - i think your
pants are by the door. i think we might be sore.
3.Here We Go
How am i supposed to walk you home when you're at least fifty
feet ahead？
Cause you walked off in a huff and i'm that pissed i can't even
remember what it was i said.
And i don't doubt you wouldn't touch him now, but let's face it,
you always use to go for that kind.
And if you ever really wanted two men at once, all i'm saying is
i better be one of the guys you've got in mind.
Here we go same time, same place.
I don't like the way you kiss his face.
It's not that there's no trust as such.
I'd love to make up but i've had to much.
Now you know fine well i'm staying, i've only ever carried out
that threat once before.
And even then i coudn't get far and you're mum came and called
me back before i'd even made it to the door.
Here we go same time, same place.
My embarassment versus your damp face.
We could down here or we could talk in bed.
But i'm afraid that's all, as i've already said.
4.Islands
We were lying in bed, staring at the moon, and i was wondering
if i was supposed to be in love.
But we couldn't quite decide if the moon was full, but i
thought, well, tonight it's full enough.
And this morning i was casually trying to sniff my fingers on
the way back home.
I could smell you and i felt like a little boy.
Now we've been on these open seas far too long so take a breath,
take my hand, there's land ahoy.
5.I Would've Liked Me A Lot Last Night
I need them for my headaches, i need them for skin.
We need it for a night out and sometimes for a night in.
The room stinks of poppers, the bog's full of bile.
At least i'm not shitting blood again.
I always sat it's worst in the while.
I hear we had a good time. i hear i was a riot.
I would've like me a lot last night, i could've put me to shame
last night.
I feel out with a lover, i fell out with my friends.
I'm still trying to work out where the weekend ends.
No solids on sunday, we can eat in the week.
You said i was fucked - you got some fucking cheek
I hear we had a good time. i hear i was a right laugh.
I really loved you a lot last night. i could've hugged you to
death last night.
6.My Favourite Muse
I pulled the ex last night, and it felt weird to feel her up
again.
Knickers down, and bra cast as if the past and not passed.
And she brought the drinks all night, but that's okay, now she's
got a job.
Her generosity - my curse. she even let me keep her purse.
But i couldn't get it up - too much to drink, too much to say.
She picked her clothes up off the floor and promptly headed for
the door.
I was just trying to use my favourite muse.
I don't think i could ever want her back, i'm just making sure
she's still capable of being slack.
And she's got trouble with her boyfriend now.
I always said he was a prick.
I told her from the very start, when she almost broke my heart.
And my room's a mess this morning.
She left her fag-ends floating in a glass.
I didn't try and make her stay. i doubt she would have anyway.
I was just trying to use my favourite muse.
It's nice to see she's still slack. i could never want her back.
7.New Birds
You just have to be sure you're doing the right thing.
I mean it's very easy to forget - she's just sitting there in
the pub with her new friends and her new life and her new hair,
and it's been five years but you'd know just to look at her.
I wasn't even sure it were her at first, i was ready to walk
away but she smiled and called me over and we said hello for a
bit. when we back to our tables we were trying not to look over
at eac
Er and told our firneds to stop staring. i didn't see her for
the rest of the night, but by closing time the beer's kicked in
so i go up and speak to her and we end up talking about our new
home
R new jobs and our new birds.
She says she's been going out with him now for about two and a
half years, but they don't live together so he'd never find out.
and you think about chasing her about school when you were wee
and
G in your bed and listening to love songs and pretending they
were about you. and the first time you asked her out she said no
but one night you went to a wedding and when you came back to
the p
E's changed her mind and you went out. you remember the way she
swung her arms when she held your hand but you can't remember
how she kissed and now you've got the chance to find out.
But you have to remember there's this other kiss. she's at home,
wondering where you are and what you're doing. and you work hard
on this kiss and you know it inside out, it's as much yours as i
Hers,and it took a long time to get right, it took months of
practice and months of embarassment but now you've got it
perfected and you've been looking forward to that kiss all week.
You can see her breath in the air between your faces as you
stand in the leaves and she just asks you straight out if you
want to come and stay at her flat. but you make sure you get
separate ta
Nd you go home and there might be a slight regret and you might
wonder what you missed but you have to remember the kiss you
worked so hard on - and you'll know you've done the right thing.
8.Not Quite A Yes
Why could i not speak？ you're not so unique. my eyes stayed on
the floor.
I make a little suggestion, before i pop the question. but i was
far too out my face.
I was out my face.
'it's the first time in ages i've actually had the guts to ask,
but i'm feeling particularly confident tonight, if you know what
i mean. but that's the thing - you don't know what i mean. t
Ason i fancy you in the first place is is the same reason we
won't get on, you're just not into it. i mean, you're cute and
you're innocent and you're nice and all that, but you barely
even drin
Ot;
No meeting was i granted. but now the seed's been planted. and
now you're in the know.
Too steaming too impress. not a know, not quite a yes.
You ask if that's okay. i suppose it's okay.
9.One Day, After School
I said with me around she'd never come to harm.
And then she took a fork and stabbed herself in the arm.
She used to wank me off but i could never heat her up.
And she use to tell all her friends that i beat her up.
I went round to her house one day after, after school.
She'd bought me this steel ladybird thing, it was really cool.
And then she said she thought there was no future for us.
She chucked me then, chucked me out, and i cried all over the
bus.
And that sunday was my first experience of feeling alone.
When she wouldn't answer her door and she wouldn't answer her
phone.
So i went round and banged on the door, i thought i had so much
to say.
And then the pigs came and told me to be on my way.
It'd be nice to say then that that's where the story ends.
But she came way with some pish about still being friends.
And she seemed sincere so i thought i'd give her a chance.
And it was okay until i found her with her hand down someone
elses pants.
I pulled them apart, it was all i could think to do.
Then another guy she knew flew to her rescue.
He tried to kick my head in to impress her, cause he was trying
to poke her.
I came home greeting and bleeding.
And my mum threatened to go round to her house and choke her.
10.Packs Of Three
It was the biggest ever cock you'd ever seen, but you've no idea
where that cock has been.
You said you were careful - you never were with me.
I heard you did it four times and jonnies come in packs of
three.
She was the best shag i'd ever had.
That doesn't mean i'm saying, bedwise, you were bad.
I think you were working, we got a hotel.
We didn't have anything but i thought i might as well.
I never told the rest.
I was drunk and i told you i was thinking about a test.
You know i just said it for effect.
Then you laughed and said i'd fuck anything in a skirt once i'm
erect.
And she's a famous harlot in this town.
I know enough to, but still i couldn't turn her down.
He said i'm an arsehole, what was i thinking？
It's far too easy to blame it on the drinking.
11.Piglet
You'd already been half an hour with pre-clubbing shower and i'd
always planned to have a look in your special winnie the pooh
book. the place was marked and it was there in blue and white -
it
Said simply, 'paul stayed last night.'
Next i was on the bog and you got down on one knee.
You were protesting your innocence and you started to cry as i
started to pee.
You said, 'i didn't shag him, he slept on the couch in the
kitchen.
He might as well be a girl, he's a good for a laugh and he's
good for bitchin'.'
You said you'd never be willing or able.
And he looks like he was made on a fucking table.
Although, to be fair, i think he hides the bolts quite well, but
as soon as he opens his mouth you can just tell.
I had just assumed you'd completely gone off shagging and i can
you seen you with your new uni pals, standing bragging. now he's
your boyfriend and i know you were talking shite but you still
de
It when i met you at someone's birthday party the other night.
You said, 'i didn't shag him, he slept on the couch in the
kitchen. we have a good laugh when we're sitting bitchin'.'
The words that you used to think turned me on just made me laugh
- 'do you want to suck my cunt？' in real life just sounds naff.
And when we were with your friends i just as well might of been
no one.
And you can't get over your dead dog - well it takes one to know
one.
12.The First Time You're Unfaithful
The first time you're unfaithful won't be the worse time you're
unfaithful.
It will probably just be a kiss with a stranger when you're on
the piss.
But next time, you might fuck him or, even worse, you might suck
him.
I know i said i'd want to know but that depends how far you go.
How do you think we will adjust. now we've incorporated lust？
And will you put my trust to test if the shagging's not the
best？
You said you know what i'm like.
We were chatting with your sister, i was winding you up - you
think i've missed her.
And she was fairly adamant i'm nothing but a lying cunt.
She said the first time i'm unfaithful won't be the worst time
i'm unfaithful.
Once i've got a taste for it, i've everything to waste for it.
So do you think i can adjust, now we've incorporated lust？
Or will i put your trust to test when my behaviours not it's
best？
You said you know what i'm like.
13.The Night Before The Funeral
The night before the funeral, i got some - i sneaked a young
girl up the stairs and past my mum.
I took off her clothes and i played with her bits and she did
the same but it took ages for me to come.
Too drunk and getting old...
It was a lovely show for a god i don't believe in.
I couldn't sing a single note at the service.
When they did 'how great thou art' all i could think of was my
old l.p. of hymns by elvis.
There's no such thing as sin...
I said to laura, 'i hope i know you forever and when i'm going,
i'm going the viking way. lay me in a boat with my favourite
things and set me on fire and send me on my way. kick me out to
.'
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